Surrealistic Thoughts
 (By Stephen Wright, Geroge Carlin and others)
 

 * Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
 The mime next door went nuts.
 

 * If a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?
 

 * Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 

 * If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby
 oil come from?
 

 * I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
 how long I'd be gone.  I said, "The whole time."
 

 * After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour
 before getting OUT of the water?
 

 * I just got skylights put in my place.  The people
 who live above me are furious.
 

 * Do they have reserved parking for non-
 handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
 

 * Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
 because
 they taste funny?
 

 * Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to
 have an "s" in it?
 

 * Why are they called buildings, when they're
 already finished?  Shouldn't they be called builts?
 

 * What would a chair look like if your knees bent
 the other way?
 

 * If a tree falls in the forest and no one is
 around
 to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
 

 * When I erase a word with a pencil, where does
 it go?
 

 * How come Superman could stop bullets with
 his chest, but always ducked when someone
 threw a gun at him?
 

 * Why do they wait until a pig is dead to "cure"
 it?
 

 * What do little birdies see when they get knocked
 unconscious?
 

 * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?